The first day of anything is both exciting and awkward. Not so happy about the whole 7am waking up thing, but maybe that part will stop sucking as much as time progresses. Also, I may or may not have showed up to my 8AM class at 8:30 today- might have gotten my days a little confused….But on the brighter and less humiliating side, everything is coming together swimmingly and I am feeling extremely motivated in my personal writing. My teachers seem great so far and I have a feeling this is going to be a great year.
I’ve been trying to occupy my free time so that I don’t pull out my journal. I haven’t really written anything in the last few days.
It’s not that I have nothing to write about. My mind has been racing lately. So many thoughts. It’s so annoying. It’s annoying, because I really want to focus on each one, but they keep disrupting each other.
Nothing makes sense right now. I know that can be confusingly beautiful, but it’s too much for me right now. I want a little break.
Experiencing an intense emotion
Just to watch it dull and fade right in front of you
It’s unfortunate to not know when you will feel that way again-
Grasping that it may not ever return
But how fortunate we are to experience things in such depth.
Each person to their own understanding.
I think it is beautiful.
When you lose something, it isn’t really lost.
It is only truly lost when you have forgotten it completely-
When you can no longer remember it-
Remember that. Remember me.
Familiarity is definitely stunting in many ways. Growth and development are things that I strive for, but it is a small battle I face when there is so much comfort in what I already know. I adapt to circumstances well, but is my heart in it?
It’s really strange when everything starts to slow down. This is the first time in a while that my life has not been moving at 200 mph. My mind has been wandering to a lot of different things. Without distractions, I have started to pay attention to what is important to me and who is important to me. I know it is necessary for a person to take a break sometimes, (hence summertime), but it is so weird to have such raw emotion when you aren’t running around like a crazy person. It’s almost as if every thought has more weight. I don’t know if I like it, but I know that it’s good.
I love how every time I spend alone time with God, He releases burdens, struggles, and thoughts of this world that may be keeping me from being fully present and focused on Him. Sometimes I experience ounces of hurt, anger, jealousy, confusion, doubt, and bitterness just like anyone else does. Whenever that happens though, I am reminded that one single moment with Jesus can cast out any negative feeling or thought. I am given the opportunity to be set free from the sin in this world. I am capable of being free of bondage. I am capable of engaging in a healthy and pure relationship with the Holy Spirit.
I realized yesterday that I never really took time to reflect on what happened in 2015. I was so ready to jump into 2016 that I almost forgot to recognize the great times of 2015. I really want to look back on everything that happened this year and what I have learned from it (at the end).
So, here we go.
I spent my Spring Break in EUROPE. We went to Munich, Florence, Assisi, and Rome for our Senior Trip. Who gets to do that with their classmates?
Stephanie and Chad got MARRIED!!! And I got to be Steph’s Maid of Honor–speech and everything.
My Naani Ma got to come and stay with Mom and me for a couple of months. ♥
I GRADUATED from Charles Henderson High School. And let me tell you, this was a hard one…especially singing our Alma Mater as an Alumna at graduation…so weird. So many lifetime memories were made at Chuck High & I was seriously blessed with beautiful friendships.
Angel asked me to be one of her bridesmaids!
I went to a Neon Trees/Coin concert with Alex, Perry, and Taylor.
My little brother, Caden, turned ONE.
Sadly, Dad, Mrs. Carrie, and Caden moved to North Carolina.
I participated in Fall Rush.
I chose Chi Omega and luckily they chose me back.
I got a great big, Janet Sanders. ♥
I STARTED COLLEGE???
I got a job on campus. Thank goodness.
Krishna moved to Auburn & I had to figure things out without my best friend living 3 miles away.
I tied rakhi on KUSH.
I met my roommates and don’t even get me started on them. I could not do college without living with the best people on campus. #BLESSED
I went to 2 PARACHUTE concerts in the same weekend in Auburn and Nashville.
I went to New Orleans for the first time with my mommma.
I went to a Highlands small group at Mrs. Kelly/ Mr. Shane’s house during the Fall semester.
And, when the small group ended, I got to go to the Living In Freedom Every Day Conference with some AWESOME people. (Including my sweeeeet roommate Gracie, my darling friend, Judith, and my Chi O sistaaa, Emily)
Judith is PREGNANT!! What.
I turned 19 YEARS OLD.
Stephanie graduated with her Masters in OT!
I got to spend family time in Florida with Audra, Zack, Grandma, Grandpa, Maasi, Stephanie, Chad, Mom, Lola, Caden, Dad, and Mrs. Carrie. I love you guys.
And finally, I got to spend Christmas in North Carolina with Mrs. Carrie, Dad, and Caden.
Looking back on this year, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned how to really appreciate and love myself in the way God wants me to. I have strengthened all of my relationships, including my most important one with Jesus. I have met so many new people and adapted to new circumstances. I have started a new chapter in my life, forcing myself to take on new responsibilities. I have learned it is hard to be responsible for yourself and live on your own sometimes. I have become more confident in myself than ever before in the person God has created me to be. I have pursued time with God and focused on talking to Him and loving Him. I have been more nervous, unprepared, confused, and stressed in 2015 than any other year. I was hurt a few times, but I still saw light in every struggle. 2015 was my strongest year. I learned how I should treat everyone, how I should love everyone, and how I need to be treated/loved. I have never laughed more in my life than I did in this year. I spent time with the greatest people and had the best time of my life in 2015. I discovered tons of new music, spent time in worship, focused on my friendships, and dived into new opportunities.
Thank you all for being a part of my 2015. Even if I didn’t mention you, I am extremely thankful for my friends and family. You have no idea the huge impact you have on my life. Thank you for helping mold me into the person I am becoming. You are the best and I hope you are already enjoying this New Year as much as I am! Happy 2016!!